The Worst Part

The worst part of fostering, the stuff that makes me want to quit, is not the kids and their crazy behaviors. It's the system. It's so broken. Broken to a point that feels like it is completely beyond repair. It is a system that often feels like it is actively hurting the same children it was put in place to help. And I'm a part of it. I'm regularly asked to go along with bad decisions that hurt the children in my care, children that I have been asked to care for, love, keep safe, and make a part of my family. What a ridiculous system.


Molly, who I talked about here, will be turning 5 yo tomorrow. She will also be dropped off at daycare in the morning as she is many mornings, picked up by her Parent Aide as she is every Friday for a visit with her dad. Only tomorrow, her parent aide will not be bringing her home as she usually does. Instead, she will drive her to a new home, with new parents, new siblings, new rules, new surroundings, new schools where she will live until the next time CPS chooses to move her. The reason for this move is to be placed with her brother.


We will not be permitted to meet with the new family to give Molly some continuity, to give the family info about Molly and her needs, likes, routines etc. We will not be permitted to even share this info by phone. We will not be permitted to bring Molly's belongings to the new house and Molly will not be given a chance to say goodbye to the girls she has lived with for nearly 8 mos who have become her sisters or the people who have fed her, clothed her, loved her, kept her safe and have become her second set of parents. She will also not be permitted to see us or even call us once she's moved.


Why? Surely there is a good reason for such an unfortunate move. The truth is, we aren't being told why and the more we ask to help make her transition to her new home easier, the more resistance we encounter, the more we ask "why?" aren't we being allowed to do the very thing CPS claims they want foster families to do, the more the case manager digs in her heels.


And, lest you think this is a rare, unfortunate occurrence, I'm here to tell you it's not. Has our family perhaps done something to warrant this decision making by CPS? Maybe there is good reason not to allow future contact. There's not. There is no good reason. The sad reality is, CPS often struggles with power. CPS case managers are scrutinized for their decisions, they encounter angry birth parents regularly, they are admonished by judges for not doing enough, they have high case loads and a stressful job. And unfortunately, that combination sometimes (and really, when I say sometimes, I mean most of the time) makes for a person on a power trip, a person that refuses to be questioned in any way or consider that there may be a different way to do things.


You know what's hard about doing what's best for the child? It takes more time than just doing whatever works best in your schedule. It requires you to really listen to other members of the team, gather information and take your time in making decisions. It requires you to set aside the pressing matter before you to really think about what the child is experiencing. How many times have I seen a case manager do this? Not many. Sadly, not many.


Of all the things CPS case managers are required to do, the most important is doing what's best for the child. Of all the things CPS is required to do, what do they seem to do the least well? What's best for the child.


Today is a sad day for me where I am struggling to see the good in this situation. I am wrestling with the notion that I may not be fighting this bad decision hard enough. I have learned to fight CPS is to dig your own grave. It doesn't go well. Ever. So, I not only have to sit and let this happen, I have to be an active participant in it. This is the part of fostering that makes people want to give up.