Food Issues, part 2

In my first post about food issues, I listed several behaviors around food that we see regularly in our home:

1. refusal to eat
2. gorging with food
3. asking for food constantly
4. sneaking food
5. eating in a panicked or rushed state
6. picking at food, inspecting it, playing with it
7. eating strange food
8. bad table manners (intended to disgust those around them)
9. hiding or hoarding food


Like I said in my original post, food issues are always present because we eat every day, multiple times a day.

Shirley came to us at 18mos, she is now 2 1/2yo. When she was first placed, she would stand near her high chair and scream as her way of indicating she wanted food. On a couple of occasions, if I did not get her food quickly enough, she would go to the trash and eat food out of it.

Her sister, Jenny, would constantly ask about food, wanting to know what and when the next meal was. She would ask for food all day long even immediately after eating.

A year later, Shirley does not eat out of the trash (but will eat food she finds on the floor, on the ground or in the car no matter how old or gross it may be) and Jenny knows the rules of the house which include not asking for food between meal times and is typically very compliant with that. She still, however, asks for more food at every meal and snack and will eat far past no longer being hungry.

Due to the structure we have in place around food in our home, there appears to be huge improvements in this area. Both girls have learned to slow down (now, Shirley rarely gags on her food, where before this was a daily thing), both have learned to chew with their mouths closed at least half of the time, both have learned not to ask for food between meals and snacks, Jenny has learned that saying "I'm hungry" is the same thing as asking for food, both girls have learned that eating like a pig (getting more food on themselves and the floor than in their mouths) tells me you're not really that hungry and both girls have learned that I say when they have had enough to eat.

But step outside our home, take them to a party where there are other people and food, send them on a visit with bio mom, take them to church where there is food, send them to school and daycare and they seem to have lost all of that learning.

They turn into begging puppies around any person outside of our household.

And boy, do people love to fall for this one.

At church, they ask for snacks for the 1hr period they are away from us (right after breakfast and right before lunch). Jenny eats a full breakfast at home before school, then goes to the school cafeteria after I drop her off and has another breakfast.

At visits with bio mom, they eat so much food, Shirley regularly comes home and vomits or has diarrhea. Shirley guzzles all of her drinks (even makes herself throw up on water) as if she will never have another drink. The parent aide tells us Jenny sneaks food out of her purse at visits and basically eats non-stop for the whole 4hr visit.

Shirley comes home from daycare covered in food like a 1yo just learning how to eat table food would look.

I'm sure I am being way too pessimistic about the improvement and that in reality, they have learned some element of self-control around food, some table manners, some reassurance that we will provide them food regularly, but it often feels like a year of masking an emotional issue that isn't actually healing. As I mention here, a sign of a healthy attachment includes a healthy relationship with food (#23. Uses food appropriately. Recognizes when hungry and full.) And this is a glaring reminder how far they have to go.

I know, it takes time. Lots of time. *sigh* I have no patience.

In the meantime, I think I want to get these for all of our kiddos: