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Wednesday, 8 February 2012

It's Not About You

"I could never do what you do"

I should start keeping track of how many times I hear that as a foster parent. "It would just be so hard. I would get too attached." And do you know what pops into my head every. single. time I hear that? "Good thing it's not about you". Of course, I never say that. I usually just nod in some kind of agreement that "yeah, it's hard." Maybe one of these times I should say "just curious. Do I seem like some kind of heartless person that doesn't get attached?" Is that why I am able to do this and you aren't?"

The reality is, I do it for the greater good. Not for the immediate reward or satisfaction. I do it because someone has to. Many someones have to. And many more someones need to. But I certainly don't do it because it's somehow easier for me. It's hard. It's a sacrifice. Things are not called a sacrifice because they're easy.

It's also a commitment. Sometimes I wonder about people's understanding of that word. Do we commit to things until they get hard? Then can we stop? How about when they get really hard? Then it's ok, right? How about when it's not exactly how I thought it would be? Surely, then I am free to give up because, you know, that's just not fair. I had all these expectations of how it would be before I commited and well, I was duped. So, I am totally justified in not sticking with it then, right?

Given the number of times I hear people say something along the lines of sending back the kid like that defective toy I bought at the store, I would say, lots of people would answer 'yes' to my questions about commitment.

So, if you read my posts and don't get it or think I must be an awful foster parent because I don't act like I am just overjoyed and gushing with love for these kids every moment of every day, that's ok. "It's not about you". I'm blogging for other foster parents. And I think, most of them get it. Not that we agree on everything, but we get it. It's hard. It's a sacrifice. And we do it anyway.


  1. Love your boldness and honesty!

  2. Just once (depending on who I'm talking to, of course) when someone tells me, regarding foster parenting, "I could NEVER do that!" I would like to look them in the eye, nod my head, and say "You're probably right."

  3. Oh my goodness. This is perfect.

  4. I get it!!! Just found your blog and started reading but just wanted to jump in and say "I GET IT!!" Thanks for your honesty.

    I added you to my BlogLove list on my blog. It is a list of over 200 other foster and adoption blogs. Some really great reads and a huge community of support.